


New Neighbor

by AnacondaGagaYonceYas



Category: Football RPF
Genre: "I'm an impatient man", Adultery, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Blow Jobs, Break Up, But I mean it's not like you didn't see them coming, Cause if not it really should, Cris and Gareth have really loud sex, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, I Will Go Down With This Ship, It used to have the tag for "Slow Burn", It's not a great relationship, Leo is in a relationship with Luis, Light Angst, Like stupidly loud, Love Confessions, M/M, Oh well too late for regret now, Overhearing Sex, Rimming, Smut, So I settled for Medium Burn, Then I said "fuck that", These tags are serious spoilers, They still get together so was it really a FAIL?, This is so damn common, Wait let me be more specific, What Was I Thinking?, is that a thing?, like very light, medium burn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-06 09:51:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15192209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnacondaGagaYonceYas/pseuds/AnacondaGagaYonceYas
Summary: Messi usually doesn't mind when he gets a new neighbor. He leaves them alone, and they leave him alone.These neighbors, however... well they're not your average neighbors. They have insanely loud sex.In short, Messi finally gets new neighbors that he minds.





	1. The One Where Leo Gets New Neighbors

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably littered with errors that I didn't manage to catch let's be real.  
> Also, this is the first time in months that I've had the motivation to actually write and upload, so please don't hate.  
> Also, comments are appreciated.

Leo saw from his living room windows two moving trucks, both of which had people with boxes and furniture coming into his building, which could only mean one thing: new residents. And based on the fact that a few months ago, his neighbor died, he assumed the one getting new neighbors would be him. But hey, he didn't mind. As long as they didn't knock on his door to introduce themselves, he was perfectly fine with it, and so he went back to his book. He picked it up from the library thinking it was gonna be a great read, but then it turned out, the book was pretty terrible. Nonetheless, he was hellbent on finishing it for he already took it. It was truly a struggle.

He looked back outside the window because he could use a tiny break from the book, even if for a few seconds, and saw who he assumed were the new neighbors, since he'd never seen them before. The first one he saw wasn't anything too special. Tall, white, brunette, pretty basic for the guys in the area. The most unique thing about him was a man-bun that could only be described as... unfortunate. But he wasn't necessarily ugly.

The second one was a completely different case.

He was tall, well-dressed, had brown hair that didn't have a man-bun, had a body that even through the clothes he was wearing, one could see was buff and ripped, and was tan. He was very different from the other guys on the block. Leo silently prayed that he was single and into men, especially short ones that were kind of awkward and shy and might as well not even have a voice based on how little they speak up. He didn't know why, and he certainly didn't know how, but he got a stupid grin on his face, and the man suddenly looked up. It was at that moment that he looked up.

Based on the fact he saw him give a small wave and a smaller smile, Leo came to the conclusion that it took him a little too long to look away in horror and embarrassment. He went back to his book, which was still terrible, and didn't do much to get his mind off of that traumatic experience. He then decided to take a nap to forget this event and also made the decision to actually meet them (as in meet them tomorrow, so they can get some unpacking done tonight).

* * *

_OH_

_*thump*_

_OH GOD_

_*thump*_

_OH JESUS_

_*thump*_

_YES CRIS!_

_*thump*_

These were the sounds he heard when he awoke from his nap. He also felt his walls vibrating. 

_OH MY GOD CRIS!_

_*thump*_

"Oh God no," Leo quietly said to himself as he realized what this meant: his neighbors were loud fuckers.  _You had to ruin yourself, didn't you! You were so cute too!_ He mentally yelled at the neighbor he thought was cute, the tan one that is. He wanted to bang on the wall, just to see if that would have an effect, but he felt too scared to try it  _and I probably won't be getting back to sleep anytime soon anyway_ he reasoned with himself upon checking the time and seeing he'd already slept for 6 hours. He decided to just make himself tea and watch some TV and hope they stop having sex at some point because he would still like to sleep again. 

But that sleep never came because turns out, either his neighbors were either nocturnal creatures without jobs or just nymphomaniacs who didn't need any sleep at all. 

He really hoped he would be capable of teaching over 90 different teenagers about the Cold War while completely sleep deprived tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you could keep on reading, by subscribing or by going to the next chapter (although both would be nice), that'd be great.  
> Also, comments. They're awesome.


	2. The One Where Leo Has a Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, loud sex by neighbors that keeps you up all night CAN have an impact on your day.

"And so kids... we were in..." Leo trailed off once again while talking about the two sides of the Cold War. He could see it in his students' faces, they had genuine concern for him. Well most of them anyway. Some of them just snickered.

"Sir?" One of the kids said in an attempt to keep him from going to sleep.

"WRONG!" Leo said, being pulled very suddenly back to Earth "in the, um, wrong."

"But weren't we the capitalist countries?" Another kid asked.

"I'm sorry what did I say again?" Leo asked, dumbfounded.

"That during the Cold War, we were in the wrong," answered a student.

"Oh right um," Leo said, "what I meant was the communists were in the wrong cause they um... they just were." He could sense the intense confusion amongst his students and could sense at least five people were going to ask a question. Luckily, the bell rang before any hands could go up.

"No homework!" Leo announced to them as they were packing up. He checked his schedule and thanked God that this was his last class of the day and that this was finally the lunch period. He could just go to the Teachers Lounge and nap for an hour. But of course, something had to keep from sleeping then too, as his fellow teacher Neymar walked in.

"I was outside for the last few minutes, and I couldn't help but notice that you said that during the Cold War, 'we were in the wrong'?" He said, "are you a communist Leo?"

"Okay, first of all, I know you know it was a mistake because I know you heard me clarify that the communists were in the wrong," Leo replied, "and second of all, please cut me some slack today, okay? I just got new neighbors."

"Since when does getting new neighbors bother you?" Neymar asked.

"Well, you see... they uh," Leo tried to say with minimal awkwardness, "they like to have sex."

"So do most people."

"No, I meant they like to have very LOUD sex. Like, it doesn't let me sleep at night loud."

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"And their bed is probably up against the wall because the wall vibrates like crazy when they, you know."

"Again, so sorry," Neymar said, "but hey it could probably be worse."

"In what way?"

"I once stayed over at my brother's apartment. His neighbors were into BDSM."

"Oh no."

"So much spanking, whipping, degrading and humiliating... I'm still traumatized. The word 'whore' gives me war flashbacks."

"I'm so sorry, Ney."

"But at least that chapter of my life is over," Neymar said, "and I can get sleep!"

"Ass," Leo said, with a resentful expression on his face and a resentful tone in his voice, "I need some sleep, so if you just let me go to the Teachers Lounge that'd be amazing."

* * *

 

Although he did manage to make it to the Teachers Lounge, he didn't manage to get any sleep because unlike pretty much every other day, there were teachers here. He didn't understand why until he looked outside and saw it -- rain. Not just a drizzle either, it was a full-on downpour.  _Of course, this had to happen on a day I don't have an umbrella, didn't it?_ He sighed and just went on to make a cup of coffee. Much to his disappointment, he then noticed that there was no cream or sugar  _okay Leo, no fear, and no worries, you can totally down completely black coffee!_

He couldn't and spit out the very first sip he took and poured out the rest of the mug. 

_I hate my life._

* * *

But finally, it was 4:30 PM, and that meant that it was finally time to go home. He looked out the window of his classroom and saw that the downpour hadn't stopped. He considered just staying in school instead of going home. But then he remembered that he had some leftover Chinese food in his fridge that he wanted to finish, and so, he took his bag, put it over his head, prayed his neighbors wouldn't be super loud again today, and ran home as fast as he could.

* * *

Upon going home, he took a shower and went to his bedroom. He was still tired to death and figured that he could take a nap since there was no sex. 

And then he got in bed.

_"You like that, you whore?"_

_*SMACK*_

_"Yes!"_

_*SMACK*_

_"Yes, what?"_

_*SMACK*_

_"Yes, sir!"_

_*SMACK*_

_"That's right. Good boy. Who's your daddy?"_

_"You are!"_

_*SMACK*_

Leo looked up at the ceiling, eyes in shock and mouth agape  _too far_ he thought to himself  _TOO FAR!_

He mustered up all the courage he had in his mediumly sized body and banged on the wall. Not too loudly because he didn't want them to feel too bad or scared, but firmly still. Actually, it wasn't really even that firm it was quite meek really. But it was still multiple bangs on the wall, and he considered that a success!

_"You see, our neighbor likes it when you moan like a slut. They like it when I smack your body, you whore. How about we put on an auditory show for them, huh? "_

_"Yes, daddy!'_

This was not what he planned. He wanted to bang on the wall again, or maybe even scream at them, but he used up all the courage he had on those sad bangs. He just decided to leave and head to Starbucks with his laptop to get some work done.

 _Everything's coming up Lionel_.


	3. The One Where They Finally Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo and the tan man meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated!

"Okay, so you're sure you can't make it tomorrow?" Leo asked Luis, his boyfriend, on the phone while drinking his Java Chip Frappuccino.

"Yeah, sorry babe," Luis said, "I have work."

 _Of course you do_ "oh, well. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. So sorry I can't be there."

"Okay for sure."

And with that, Luis hung up the phone. He didn't even say "bye" or do the cheesy and kind of annoying "no, you hang up first!" Thing. He looked all around him and saw that everyone was either working or here on a coffee date  _coffee date at Starbucks huh?  That's a good fucking idea._ And yet nonetheless, that's what he'd kill for right now. He hadn't seen Luis in days due to them living so far and having very conflicting schedules. All he wanted to do was see his face.  _The couple next door is annoying as fuck but at least they're together._

He went right back to working on his lesson plan for tomorrow, and thank God he did. It was so... incomplete and felt so wrong. How the hell did he mention a key historical figure (in this case, Joseph Stalin) without a fun fact as well? "Fun fact: he's considered something of a hero by many people today for ending WWII, or, I could go with fun fact: although often overlooked, he committed one of the largest genocides in history with the Holodomor, which was a man-made famine, or mass starvation, of Ukrainians from 1932 to 1933. Estimates put the death toll at 3.3-7.5 million, while some say 10 million."

He spent the next two minutes trying to decide whether he should mention the conflicting views on him and the genocide he committed but later settled with mentioning both for the sake of juxtaposition. Why  _not_ say some people consider him a hero right aftermentioning that he deliberately starved millions of his own people? He then got a call from Neymar and picked it up.

"What?" Leo said. Neymar had become someone who's so close to him he actually doesn't say "hello" to him. He straight up just goes "what?"

"Where are you?"

"Starbucks. Working. Why?"

"I'm outside your building right now. Are your neighbors by any chance a tan dude and a white dude?"

"... Yeah, why?"

"They're fucking. Against the window."

Leo sighed "not even surprised."

"I'm trying so hard to look away, but I just can't."

"YOU"RE FUCKING WATCHING THEM?!"

"I can't help it! Oh shit."

"What?"

"The tan one just looked me in the eye and winked at me. Oh crap, now the white one saw me. What do I do?"

"Nothing," Leo replied, "I think they're quite fond of attention."

"What do you mean?"

"They were doing some  _very_ mean and loud BDSM when I tried taking a nap," Leo answered, "I banged on the wall cause I didn't want to hear it anymore. One of them just assumed that that signified that I  _liked_ hearing them fucking. That's when I left."

"You poor soul," Neymar replied, "which Starbucks you at?"

"The one across the street from my building."

"I'm coming," Neymar said.

"Will you help me discuss the origins and causes of the Cold War?" Leo said, "cause if not, please don't. I'm pretty sure this is the only chance I'll have to get it done."

"I'll buy you a chocolate chip cookie and tell you bad puns while you write about the Cold War?"

After contemplating for a few seconds, Leo said, "I want the cookie warmed up."

"Aye aye, captain," and with that, he hung up.

* * *

After finally finishing his lesson plan, he dared to go back to his home. Before getting out of the elevator on his floor, he said a quick prayer that his neighbors weren't still fucking and then got out. He started making his way to his apartment when suddenly, he ran into someone. It was the super hot tan guy who moved in next door to him.

"Um, hi, you're the guy who lives next door to us, right?" He asked.

"Apartment 3B, yes I am," Leo answered.

"So, you banged on the wall when my fiance and I were having sex."

"Uh, yes. Yes, I did."

"Was that out of annoyance or out of excitement?" The man asked with the awkwardly adorable smile Leo'd ever seen, "I mean, I know we kept going, but that was just because I didn't want to make it awkward, or like, break the flow and rhythm we had going, you know?"

"Um, yeah, totally."

"You still haven't answered my question though," the man said "annoyance or excitement."

After an incredibly long pause, he finally answered  _okay, here it goes. What the fuck why are you sweating, why are you nervous?_

".... Annoyance," he finally answered, not daring to look him in the eyes and with a complete lack of confidence. 

"Oh my God, I am so sorry for the noises then," he replied, "we'll quiet down then."

This brought a smile of relief on Leo again who was finally able to look him in the eyes again "thanks," he said.

"No problem," he replied, "oh and also, I feel like we started off on the wrong foot, so how about we actually introduce ourselves again? I'm Cris, short for Cristiano. And you?"

"Lionel," Leo replied, "long for Leo."

"Well... wait do you prefer Leo or Lionel?" He asked.

"Leo," he replied, "unless it's a professional setting, in which case Lionel is vastly preferred. But I guess this isn't really a professional setting."

"Siga-me, Leo, até a casa de Ronaldo-Bale," Cris said, "oh that means 'follow me, Leo-"

"To the house of Ronaldo-Bale," Leo answered, with his voice at full volume for the first time this conversation "I speak Spanish, and that sentence sounded very close to 'Sígueme, Leo, a la casa de Ronaldo-Bale.' You're Portuguese then, I take it?"

"Yes," Cris replied complete with a smile, "so? Will you come?"

Leo gave it some thought  _I could avoid a social situation and not meet new people or I could willingly throw myself into the lion's den that is another person's house._ In the end, however, he decided to throw himself into the lion's den and answered "yes."

"Excellent," Cris said, with an insanely charismatic and an incredibly confident smile on his face, leading Leo to his home, "follow me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!


	4. The One Where Leo is in the Lion's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo meets his loud neighbors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this, this is just filler. Nothing cool or exciting. Something interesting will definitely happen tomorrow though, so if you're an actual reader of this fic, then keep an eye out for tomorrow's update.

"So Gareth," Cris said as Leo followed him into his apartment, "this is our neighbor Leo. He's not exactly appreciative of the sounds we make during sexual intercourse."

"Oh, hi Leo," Gareth said, a little awkwardly and waving, "is it the loudness, the obscenity, or are they just not hot?"

"The loudness," Leo said, without eye contact.

"He's also not too big on eye contact, at least from what I've seen so far," Cris said.

"Okay," Gareth said, "hey since we've been shitty neighbors, how about we make it up to you? Stay over for dinner?"

_One one hand, I'm starving and have no food at home, on the other, I don't know these people_

"Please stay, for a little while at least?" Cris pleaded with him, brown eyes giving the most innocent look possible. _Coming from the person who likes being called "daddy" and "sir"._ But in the end, he accepted the offer, the doe eyes were too strong on the man.

"Okay, I'll," Leo replied, blushing and looking down "I'll stay."

"Thanks!" Cris said, patting his back.

"I'll get the paella," Gareth said, going to the kitchen.

“You like paella, Leo?” Cris asked, “it’s absolutely delicious.”

"I've... never had it, actually," Leo replied, this time looking at the ceiling. Cris was still looking at his face.

"Really, huh?" Cris said, "what a shame. I tried it during my year abroad in Madrid."

This was what made Leo finally look at him "you used to live in Spain for a while?"

"A year," Cris replied, "why?"

"I had a year abroad as well," Leo said, "I spent it in Barcelona! And I went to Madrid during Spring Break. It's also where I met my best friend."

"Oh cool," Cris replied, "I met Gareth in Madrid. He was also studying abroad and funnily enough, lived in New York as well. It's like destiny wanted us together."

"Neymar, the best friend I was talking about, actually lived in Philly, but he moved here a couple years back," Leo said, "actually, you saw him."

"Really," Cris said, "when?"

"You and Gareth were having sex against the window," Leo answered, "apparently you winked at him and Gareth looked at him?"

"Oh, that guy," Cris replied, "yeah, he was cute."

"I'll tell him you said that then."

"Gareth thinks that too."

"Thinks what?" Gareth said, coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of paella in hand, which he then put down on a small dining table.

"That his friend his cute," Cris answered, "you know, the one that watched us have sex and then went to Starbucks?"

"Oh yeah, he was cute!"

For this entire conversation, Leo was looking down at the floor again  _Jesus Christ I don't want to hear this._

"But anyway, back to you now," Gareth said to Leo, "what do you do?"

"Oh, I," Leo replied, "I teach. 9th-grade U.S. history." 

"Oh cool, what are you guys covering now?" Cris asked.

"Cold War. We started covering that today technically, but I like to pretend that today's class never happened."

"Reason?" Gareth asked.

"I kept falling asleep and slipping up," Leo answered.

"Why were you... oh I see," Cris replied, "I'm so sorry."

"I still don't see," Gareth said.

"We were too loud all night," Cris replied.

"Oh, should've gotten that,"  Gareth said, "speaking of, Leo, I just realized that I never actually apologized for that... so um, I'm sorry for us being too loud."

"Thanks," Leo replied.

"So, who wants food?" Gareth announced.

 _Thank God_ "I'll have some."

"Great," Cris said, a charming smile on, "let's eat."

And so they ate the paella. It was okay. For some weird reason, he expected it to basically be heaven, and yet it was not. Cris seemed to love it too. Gareth just seemed to like it. "I should go now, I have classes to teach tomorrow."

"Oh, have a good night then," Gareth said.

"See you again someday," Cris said.

"You too," Leo said, already on his way to the door, "good night guys."

 _Not bad people, surprisingly nice_ Leo thought on his way over to his door. But it was when he put his in his pockets that the next thought came:  _I'm gonna hear them having sex again sometime soon. aren't I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated!


	5. The One Where Leo Overhears Sexual Intercourse... Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo again overhears sexual intercourse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know I'm about to sound like a thirsty ass bitch, but if I could get that sweet Tumblr promo from any of y'all that'd be awesome.  
> And of course, as usual, comments are appreciated.  
> But you know what else is appreciated? Subscribing and reading any updates that come along the way.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Leo actually became very good friends with them. They were very nice people. Gareth was funny, smart, and a great lawyer while Cris was a charming, funny, and creative sales executive. Of course, they still had insanely loud sex, and it was something that very much did not let Leo get to sleep until 4 in the morning, but he’d practically gotten used to it. Plus, they’d always make up for it by giving him an expensive bottle of wine. Leo’d probably tacked up at least $10,000 on wine. Even Leo's friends, which was just Neymar and Luis, liked them.

One day, there was a gas leak in school during lunch, which meant Leo got to come home halfway through the day _._ He decided to go see Luis with this time. He rarely got to see his boyfriend. However, that date was a bust. For some reason, Luis just didn’t interest or excite him anymore. He couldn’t explain why, but it’s almost like he was falling _out_ of love with him. He made an excuse to leave early and went home. 

When he got home, he decided that he wanted to take a nap. However, it was half an hour through his nap that he woke up again. 

_*thump*_

_“OH GOD!”_

_*thump*_

_“FUCK YES!”_

_*thump*_

_“JESUS CHRIST YES!”_

_*thump*_

_“YES!”_

Upon waking up, his first thought was  _oh God this again?_ Before realizing that they didn’t actually know he was even home. It was when he was about to knock on the wall when he heard it:

_“Who’s your daddy?”_

Now, that’s a relatively normal thing to say during sex. However, the reason it was peculiar is because the voice didn’t belong to Cris. Matter of fact, it sounded like someone else entirely. Someone British. 

His hands froze immediately mid-air and he just laid there with his hand up, jaw completely dropped. He was brought back to Earth when he heard someone (Gareth probably) being spanked. 

 _Okay okay okay cool cool cool cool cool your new friend who you thought loved your other new friend slash their boyfriend is cheating on them no big deal NBD_ Leo thought. It was when he heard the words _“HARDER DADDY!”_ when he started thinking again _oh God what should I do?_

On one hand, he could tell Cris. It’d break his heart, and it could make Cris mad at him, and it’d certainly make Gareth mad at him (but like he minded that). On the other hand, he could just not tell Cris and let his new friend be cheated on like a fool. _Worst dilemma ever._

Then it hit him: They could’ve just been in an open relationship! Or it could’ve been polyamorous and the other guy could’ve just been a third boyfriend who didn’t live with them for some reason!

_“So when does your boyfriend get here? I don’t want another close call. It was terrifying almost getting caught last time.”_

Leo sighed. _F_ _ucking hell. Why Gareth?_

In the end, he chose to stay quiet in order to avoid a shoot the messenger situation. 

* * *

Thatnight, Cris and Gareth invited him over for dinner. He accepted the invitation, thinking he could handle it, but nope. He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t stand seeing Cris so happy and in love. He couldn't stand hearing Cris talk about how Gareth is great, and certainly couldn’t stand hearing Gareth talking about how great Cris is. 

He couldn't stand seeing Gareth cook for them, he couldn't stand seeing Cris enjoy the rather average food just because his boyfriend, who he clearly loved like crazy, cooked it. He couldn’t stand to see the happiness. Not when one of them was betraying the other. 

He finished his food in a hurry and made some excuse to leave early, not even yelling something back to when they said their goodbyes when he was already almost out. 

Somehow, this night was worse than the sleepless nights he had whenever their sex was too loud. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, comments are appreciated.  
> As are subscriptions.  
> And promo.


	6. The One With the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of an update. I've been on a vacation to Italy for a week and didn't get a chance to write. It was a great trip if anyone's wondering.

It was a Saturday morning and Leo woke up not on his own like he usually does on weekends, but rather woke up to bangs on the wall.

_*bang*_

_*bang*_

_"HEY LEO, YOU UP?"_

_*bang*_

_*bang*_

_"LEO?"_

That was Cris' voice. Normally he'd be pissed if anyone woke him up this way, but it was cool with Cris. He couldn't quite explain why though.

"Yeah yeah I'm up," Leo yelled back, groggily and still tired, "the fuck do you want it is 12 PM in the morning."

_"Surely you hear the contradiction in that sentence?"_

"Jesus Christ Cris just tell me what you want."

 _"It's my colleague's birthday today,"_ he replied,  _"he invited me and a guest, and Gareth's busy, so would you any chance be willing to come? I really don't want to go alone."_

"Bitch, he's your friend why would I come?"

 _"Sergio's not my friend, he's my colleague,"_  Cris answered,  _"I don't know him or his friends that well."_

"Then why are you even going?"

 _"He's new and inviting someone from work he doesn't even know that well,"_ he replied,  _"I think it's clear he doesn't have too many friends, and I just want him to feel at least somewhat welcome."_

"Fine, I'll come," Leo said, "when and where?"

 _"Just come to my house at 8 p.m."_  Cris said, _"I'll take you to the party from there."_

"See you then, then."

 _"Wait how about let's have lunch together right now?"_ Cris asked,  _"Gareth went to a client's house to work on a case."_

 _Yeah, right. "Work"._ Leo thought  _you sweet, innocent fool_ "Okay I'm coming over in a bit, let me just shower and brush my teeth."

_"Thanks."_

"No problem," he replied.

* * *

"Hey bud," Leo said as he entered Cris’ apartment, "good morning."

"It’s noon," Cris replied.  

"Yes, but it’s Saturday, and so, therefore, this is the morning."

Cris looked dumbfounded by that logic, but he still didn’t argue against it "so what’s for breakfast?" Leo asked.

"Well for  _lunch_ we have carbonara."

"Never had carbonara for breakfast," Leo said, "first time for everything then I guess."

"You're not gonna stop saying 'breakfast' are you?"

"Will you stop saying 'lunch'?"

"No," Cris answered, "okay how about this: we make up a new word -- 'lunchfast'?"

"'Lunchfast,'" Leo said, "okay, I like it."

"And I like you," Cris replied.

"Heh?"

"Yeah, you want that nice delicious carbonara?"

"Cris," Leo said, stone-faced, "what are you doing?"

"Trying to be hot," Cris answered with a botched wink, "why? Is it working? Is it getting you all hot and bothered."

"Bitch it might be," Leo answered, his voice suddenly going down several octaves and his mouth suddenly not being able to close. 

"Really?" Cris said, "thanks!"

"Uh, you're welcome?" Leo replied, just as Cris went off to the kitchen with another botched wink. It was then that Leo felt it -- a bit of saliva slipping past the corner of his mouth  _did I just drool?_

* * *

 

 Sitting across the table from Cris, Leo stared at him as he slurped up a strand of spaghetti. Cris caught his gaze and winked, once again botching it.

"Okay Cris two things," Leo said, "why is your winking off? I've seen you wink, and you're great at it, and two, why are you doing this? Flirting? You have a man!"

Cris put down his fork and sighed "when was the last time you heard Gareth and I having sex, Leo?"

"Last night," Leo answered, "why?"

"That wasn't sex between Gareth and I. That was a sex tape we recorded months ago. It's just very HD."

"Oh," Leo replied, "I'm sorry I just don't understand the relevance."

"We haven't had sex in three days, Leo," Cris said "three! And it's not like he's come home super tired from work. He's always talking about how he made 'mad progress' on a case and is so happy and energetic when he comes home. We used to celebrate massive breakthroughs with some bomb sex, but that is just not happening anymore."

"But why are you flirting with me?"

"Because tonight, I'm gonna try to put these moves on him," Cris said, "you know, add some spice. Surely our sex life must face some improvements after that."

 _Aw, you sweet soul_  "you let me know how that goes."

* * *

It was finally 8 at night when Leo went over to Cris' apartment. He rang the bell, and Gareth opened the door. "Hey Leo," he greeted.

 _Fuck off_ Leo wanted to say. But instead, he smiled and replied "Hey Gareth. Is Cris ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready," Cris said, coming out of the door bumping past Gareth who was visibly bothered by that, causing Leo to smile just a bit, "let's go".

"So what is Sergio like?" Leo asked, walking alongside him as they went to the elevator.

"He's fun, I guess. He's also hot, tall, and I believe Spanish. He's a cool guy that's really all that matters."

"I like him already."

"I knew you would," Cris said, "that's why I told him you were single."

"What?!"

"Nah sis calm down I'm just kidding."

"Okay good," Leo said, "I do not want to reject him at his own birthday party."

Cris laughed and said, "you don't have to worry about him regarding rejection."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't strike me as someone who gets rejected too often. His big dick energy levels are off the charts."

"Okay I'm sorry, but I've been hearing this everywhere and I've gotta ask: what the fuck is big dick energy?"

"It's just big dick energy."

"So helpful," Leo said, completely deadpan.

"I know right?" Cris replied, pressing the button on the elevator after they finally reached it. 

* * *

Within the first hour of the party, half the party was drunk, 80% of the remaining were tipsy, and the other two were Sergio and Leo. At least he thought Sergio was sober. He wasn't sure. He got along great with the drunk people but was also standing completely straight and not slurring his words. 

Right now, he was completely alone, Cris was hopping around the living room, talking to both people from work and complete strangers while Leo just stood awkwardly by the window on the back wall. He then saw Sergio in the kitchen eating a piece of cake while no one noticed  _big mood._ He decided to go over to him. He needed something to do. Anything. The last thing he wanted to be at a party.

"So, you're a secretary I hear," Leo said, interrupted Sergio in the middle of his cake, "what's that like?"

"It's a mixed bag," Sergio answered, "on one hand, it's boring as fuck because I'm basically a butler, but on the other hand, I have genuine reasons to complain about things."

"Hey! I love complaining too!"

"Yeah! Society is so weird for not seeing how fun it is."

"I know right? Fuck society. They voted Trump into office."

"Well, technically the Electoral College voted him into office if anything. Hillary won the popular vote. Fuck the Electoral College."

"Okay one, I'm already obsessed with you so you gotta get on board with that right now," Leo said, "and two, fuck the American government in general."

"Well...." Sergio started, "I'm sorry I kind of forgot your name, I hope you take no offense to that."

"Leo."

"Well Leo," Sergio said, "I am very much on board with that."

Leo was about to say something back when suddenly, he saw Cris climbing out the window "oh fuck. Sergio, please tell me you have a fire escape or something."

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll be back."

Leo followed Cris, who started to climb up the stairs "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?!" He yelled after Cris, who was shakily making his way up the stairs.

"Rooftop," Cris answered back, "come with me?"

"Sure," Leo said, following Cris.

When they finally reach the rooftop, Cris took his position by leaning on the railing, getting a good panoramic view of Greenwich Village while Leo stood right next to him, staring at his eyes from the side, which suddenly started to tear up.

"Cris, why are you cryi-"

"Am I ugly, Leo?"

"What? You are the farthest thing from ugly."

"Then why won't my boyfriend have sex with me?" He replied, still staring out into the city, coming dangerously close to sobbing. 

"Um..."  _Oh God Leo, think, THINK!._

"Maybe you're just overthinking that? I mean I'm sure he still wants to have very loud, sleep-breaking, wake-up-the-neighbors, sex with you. Maybe he's just tired."

"And why does he always smell different every night?"

"Huh?"

"I know what cologne he wears when he leaves for work. He wears CK Eternity. Why does he come home smelling like Creed Green Irish Tweed or Dior Homme Intense or Marc Jacobs Daisy?"

"Maybe he goes to Sephora at night before coming home and tries them on to cover up the smell of sweat?"

"He works in an air-conditioned office, not at a halal cart," Cris rebutted, "and why would he wear a new cologne or perfume before coming home?"

"I, um, I... I don't know," Leo said, "but you're not ugly, you're... hot and he's probably just tired after coming home from work. He's a lawyer and he has to do a lot of work you know?"

"No, it's not just that Leo,"  Cris said, "you know how this afternoon, I said he went over to a client's house to work on a case?"

"Yeah?"

"This happens almost every single weekend," Cris replied "and he almost never picks up the phone when I call. He keeps giving me the same few excuses. 'My battery was dead, my phone was off, it was on silent, I had do not disturb on, it was on airplane mode.'"

Leo didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say.

"What's wrong with me, Leo?

"Nothing's wrong with you Cris," Leo said, "you're beautiful and amazing and funny and kind and smart and just... the best."

And suddenly, Cris broke down, sobbing uncontrollably, prompting Leo to pull him into an Uncle Phil style bear hug from the side 'nothing is wrong with you Cris. Nothing."

"Why doesn't he love me? Why does he need other people? Why can't he be happy with only me? Just... why, Leo? Why?" Cris said, finally turning towards Leo and hugging him back.

"He loves you, he totally does, he just..." Leo said, not knowing how to finish that sentence, "I'm sorry Cris. I'm so sorry. But I just want you to know that none of this is your fau-"

But he didn't get to finish that statement, as Cris cut him off with a kiss. Leo knew he was with Luis, and that he didn't necessarily have a reason to  _go_ (yet at least). But he then realized: he also had no reason to stay.

But none of that mattered because he kissed him back. 

It was slow and passionate at first, but then Cris' hands started moving, and Leo got excited. But then he smelled it: alcohol.

 _Fuck_ "Cris, you're drunk," Leo said, pulling away from the kiss.

"No, I'm not," he said, slurring his words, "now come one, back to what we were doing," he finished saying with a wink, as in, another botched wink.

"I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Cris," Leo said, "and I'm not having sex with you when you're drunk and we're both in different relationships."

"I'm not drunk and mine is dead," Cris said, "and yours is dying."

He was about to go on an angry rant and defend his relationship, but he couldn't argue with someone not in their best state of mind "come on Cris, let me get you some water."

"NO!" Cris cried, "I wanna have sex!"

"I'm not fucking raping you, Cris," Leo said, firmly, "now come one. You're drunk and need water."

"NO!" Cris yelled, and then sat down and leaned against the railing, legs out, arms crossed, and mouth pouting. He looked beyond adorable this way Leo had to admit. But, he was drunk, and Leo wasn't going to have sex with him, not in this state. But he also couldn't leave him alone, not when he was drunk, and he clearly wasn't about to get him inside, so he just decided to sit across from Cris until he passed out so he could carry him home. 

_Gareth will pay for this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and any promo, whether it's word of mouth or on social media or your blog or whatever, are obviously appreciated.  
> Thanks for making it this far also!


	7. The One With the Aftermath (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cris goes to sleep and then wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right bitches. It's a two-parter!

Three hours later, all the way at 12 in the morning, after three hours of crying, after three hours of either requesting or demanding sex and after three hours of philosophic rants that Cris finally passed out. Seeing that the time was rather late, Leo decided against dragging Cris home and instead decided to drag him down back to Sergio’s and hope that everyone was gone, and Sergio would be nice enough to let Cris and Leo crash for the night.

So, Leo got to it, and picked up Cris, who was incredibly heavy while passed out, and miraculously managed to drag him down three different fire escapes and back in through the window into the apartment, which to his relief, was cleared of all guest.

“Ah, Leo!” Leo heard from behind. The voice belonged to Sergio “and Cris. Where were you guys?”

“On the rooftop,” Leo answered, “he was drunk, and I was scared he’d fall off of the fire escape or something, so I went up with him to the rooftop, where he sat down and refused to get up. We discussed philosophy and stuff.”

“Oh,” Sergio said, “any interesting points?”

“Well, he believes that we are living in a simulation like in the Sims, while I believe that we have free will of our own,” Leo replied, “he also believes that it’s not possible to experience objectivity.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“In his drunken words, not mine, ‘our experiencing of shit is fucked up, and we all go through shit and perceive shit differently, even if it’s the same thing’.”

“Oh.”

“He instead believes that the best we can achieve is total collective subjectivity, where we all experience the same thing in the same way,” Leo said, “but since it’s not necessarily the _truth,_ it’s not objective. You know?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sergio replied, “totally.”

“So anyway,” Leo said, “he’s passed out now, and it’s late and I kind of don’t want to drag him all the way right now, so is it okay if we crash here tonight?”

“Yeah of course!”

“Thanks,” Leo said, “thank you so much.”

“No problem,” Sergio replied, “I’ll give you two the bed, so you guys can sleep together, and I’ll take the bed.”

 

“No, you can keep the bed,” Leo said, “and I don’t see why we’d need to sleep together.”

“Aren’t you guys together?”

“No,” Leo said, “I mean we came together, but we’re not in a relationship or anything.”

“Really,” Sergio said, “you take care of him like you two are if that makes sense. Last time I got this drunk at a party and wandered off outside, I ended up getting lost in Greenwich Village. And I know damn well my friends saw me go outside walking all wobbly.”

“Oh,” Leo said, “how unfortunate?”

“You’re a damn good friend,” Sergio said, “okay so how ‘bout this, he takes the sofa because he’s tall as fuck, you take the loveseat because you’re not as tall and you’d fit perfectly, and I take the bed?” 

“Sounds perfect,” Leo said, after which Sergio started taking the beds out of the sofa and loveseat.

\--

The next morning, Leo woke up before anyone. He sat up and looked at the still sleeping Cris who was just a few feet away from him. He looked so… peaceful and serene, which was such a major contrast to last night. It was kind of adorable if Leo was going to be honest. In fact, ‘twas so adorable that he took a picture of him, just because this was something that should be remembered.

But then, he deleted it instantly because he realized _this kinda shit is something boyfriends do._ He didn’t know why, but what Sergio said to him last night, about how Leo was taking care of Cris so well that it looked like he was his boyfriend and not just his friend really stuck with him. This is when another thought struck him _does Sergio even know who Gareth is? I mean, surely Cris told him he had a boyfriend or was gay or bi or whatever since people don’t typically assume someone’s queer unless they fit the stereotype and Cris doesn’t, so he must’ve said something to reveal his sexuality, but did he never say Gareth’s name?_ Which in turn made Leo wonder _why?_

Suddenly, a loud groan pulled him back to Earth “Leo how much did I drink last night?” Cris asked.

“A lot,” Leo answered.

“Can you get me some water?” Cris asked, “and also enough Tylenol to kill me?”

“I can get you the water, but I don’t know about the Tylenol,” Leo said, “wait here.”

Leo went to the bathroom in hopes that that’s where Sergio had his medicine cabinet and bingo! It was. He took two pills of Tylenol, went to the kitchen to get some water, and went back to Cris, “kay, drink up.”

“I asked for enough Tylenol to kill me, not two.”

“You’re not dying at someone else’s house that’s just awkward,” Leo replied, “now drink up.”

“Fine,” Cris said, taking the medicine, “can you take me home now, Sergio is probably worried sick.”

“It’s only l1:30 I doubt he even knows you’re gone,” Leo replied, “you know, he’s probably working on a case or something.”

Cris looked at Leo for several seconds with a slightly pissed expression, and then looked away “I’ll just go on my own then.”

“Wait, Cris,” Leo cried out after Cris got off the sofa and made his way towards where the shoes were, “I’m coming with you!”

“Okay,” Cris said, expressionless and devoid of any emotion _please don’t tell me I jeopardized our friendship._

“Let me just go say bye to Sergio first,” Leo said, “wait here.”

Leo went into Sergio’s room and saw that he was asleep and saw some post its and a pen. Not wanting to wake him up, he just wrote “thanks for letting us stay here overnight. Bye Sergio, hope we meet again someday. Matter of fact, here’s my number: 347 – 849 – 4792. Sincerely, Leo. Cris says ‘bye’ too.” On a post-it, stuck it on the door, and left with Cris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and any promo are very much appreciated!


	8. The One With the Aftermath (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part.

After an unusually silent cab ride home, the two finally reached their building. Once they made it to their respective doors, Leo said “bye” before going in, but Cris did not _I fucked up._

The first thing Leo decided to do was take a shower, but before he did, he decided to check his phone for just a second and saw that he had a text from Luis. He opened it up and it said “let’s break up. Hope you don’t mind but I just don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Sorry and bye.”

Now, if this was even just five months ago, Leo would be devastated and crying because not only did Luis dump him, but he also dumped him _via text._ But this was not five months ago, and that was not his reaction. He instead just saw this coming and felt… nothing. Nothing except just a hint of relief. When he texted back “K. Hope everything works out in your future. Bye.” That slight feeling of relief became much bigger.

_Did I fall that out of love with him? Wow._

Leo went ahead and took an hour-long shower, and then took a nap.

\--

_“YOU BITCH! YOU LYING, CHEATING BITCH!”_

_“Oh, shut up Cristiano! It’s not all on me you know?”_

_“NOT ALL ON YOU? THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”_

This is what Leo woke up to.

_“Maybe if you just weren’t so boring?”_

_“’Weren’t so boring?’ I gave you everything, we did everything you wanted!”_

_“Did we! Six Flags, I wanted to go on Kingda Ka, you didn’t because you were too scared. Abu Dhabi, I wanted to go on Formula Rossa, you didn’t because you were TOO SCARED! EVEN FUCKING SPEEDBOATS SCARE YOU! YOU’RE THE REASON WE NEVER DO ANYTHING FUN!”_

_“Oh, so BDSM isn’t fun then huh? Even though it was something you desperately wanted.”_

_“Yeah, I got one thing I wanted. ONE!”_

_“So, because roller coasters and speedboats scare me, you decide that that’s a reason to fucking cheat on me?”_

_“And it’s not just that, I just… I just don’t love you anymore.”_

_“What?”_

_“I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE CRIS!”_

And this is when it happened – silence. Suddenly, Leo heard nothing _oh God._

_“We’re done Gareth. I want you out of this house by the end of this month.”_

_“And why do you get the house?”_

_“Because you’re a pig, and clearly not the man I thought the world of. I never stopped loving you. Not even when I figured that you were cheating. Hell, I still can’t bring myself to hate you now. But I’m not going to torture myself by being with you. I want you out of this house by the end of the month Gareth. End of the month.”_

Silence again.

However, just moments later, he heard knocking on the door. He opened the door and saw that it was Cris, a crying Cris.

“Hey buddy,” Leo said, “what happ-”

“I know you heard the argument, Leo,” Cris said, after which Leo just put his head down, “can I come in?”

“Sure,” Leo said, leading him to the living room, “so how did you finally come to the conclusion?”

“I found a pair of panties. Neither of us are crossdressers or have that kink, so I knew it didn’t belong to either of us, which lead me to only one conclusion: some girl forgot it here.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, maybe it’s for the best. I mean, he did say he doesn’t love me anymore. And I-”

“I… what?”

“Nothing.”

“Cris?”

“I have someone else that I’ve been quite into lately if we’re being honest.”

“Who?”

Cris stared right into Leo’s eyes, wiped away all the tears, and said “you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I always say, comments and promo.  
> ALso, hope you guys liked this chapter, cause y'all ain't getting another one for a week.


	9. The One Where They Finally Get Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two bros, chilling on a bed, 0 feet apart because they're super gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things:
> 
> 1.) Yay an update!
> 
> 2.) The first person to comment what the summary is a reference to gets a gift fic from me, any prompt you want (just no f/m or f/f)
> 
> 3.) I'm thinking about making this into an anthology, like with side stories and more backstory. What do you think? My first one would be the story of the time Cris first started to suspect that Gareth was cheating and when he realized that he most definitely was. I'm asking because writing is hard and I don't want to write it if no one would read it.

“Well?” Cris said, “anything?”

“I uh…” Leo replied, “I don’t understand.”

“You’re funny, you’re kind, you’re smart, you’re a sweet soul who’s nothing like Gareth, and I don’t know you just… you just make me feel some kind of way, you know? And I know you’re with Luis and I mean, I’m not trying to change that, you two seem happy with each other, but I just think that I should let you know that I… I love you.”

“I got dumped,” Leo said.

“What?”  
“Over text. Luis dumped me via text.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I was falling out of love with him anyway. And besides, someone else has caught my eye recently.”

“Really?” Cris said, smirk apparent in his voice.

“Yeah,” Leo said, “your colleague, Sergio.”

“Oh,” Cris said, sounding crestfallen, “I can talk to him for you if you-“

But he didn’t get to finish that sentence because suddenly, he was being pulled into a kiss. A deep, passionate kiss fueled by fires hot as a thousand suns. Leo broke the kiss to put their foreheads together, and whispered to him “I love you, Cris.”

Cris simply smiled and said, “I love you too,” and got up and took Leo’s hand in his and winked, perfectly. It took Leo a few seconds, but he finally eventually understood what it meant, he got up, and they ran to Leo’s bedroom, where Cris dropped on the bed, leaned against the headboard, spread his legs out, unzipped his pants, and said “come to daddy,” to Leo, who was still standing at the foot of the bed.

“I don’t have that kink,” Leo said, all serious and crossing his arms.

“Come to… me? Yeah, sure I guess that works. Come to me.”

“Gladly,” Leo said and smirked as he hopped on the bed, lied down on the front side of his body, and slid right in front of Cris’ crotch.

Cris then whipped out his dick and Leo’s eyes widened, and he drooled as he just took the moment to fully realize that that monster was going inside his throat.

“Leo then gave the leaking tip a lick, and then another, and then another, before he stopped and stared into Cris’ eyes for just a second, and then swallowed the whole thing.

Cris gave an incredibly loud moan and said, “do you just not have a gag reflex or something?” Prompting Leo to shake his head, still bobbing his head on the dick in his mouth. Leo went down all the way again, and Cris gave another loud obscenely loud moan.

Leo then took his head off of his dick, and told Cris, “fuck my mouth.”

“Huh?”  
“Fuck my throat. Make my mouth just another hole.”

“Glad you asked,” Cris said, “open up.”

Leo opened his mouth as wide as possible, and Cris raised up his hips just a little and started to fuck Leo’s mouth with no mercy, bringing Leo to tears. It was a visual masterpiece with Leo being able to handle Cris’ monster cock so masterfully, but it was an auditory mess, filled with moans and groans and curses and constant floods of the phrase “Ohhhhh I’m gonna cum!”

Leo finally pulled his head out of Cris’ grip and said, “take off your clothes and look into the top drawer on the nightstand,” as he started taking off his own clothes.

“I believe that’s doable,” Cris replied, following the instructions Leo had given him. Looking into the drawer, he saw only two things: a packet of condoms and a whole tube of lube. Looking into the contents, he smirked and finally picked them up. When he looked in front of him again, Leo was already naked and in position on his hands and knees.

Instead of digging in lubed up fingers, the first thing Cris did was stick his tongue in his ass. He proceeded to keep on massaging Leo’s anal area with his delicate tongue, and now it was Leo who was moaning and cursing loudly.

Suddenly, Leo felt an absence in his anus, and he groaned at that empty feeling, but he suddenly felt something else: a pair of slick and wet fingers, jammed deep inside his ass and already scissoring _damn he’s not fucking around._ After a little more poking around, Cris finally hit his sweet spot and made Leo moan extremely loud, prompting Cris to keep on poking at the same spot because he never wanted that sound to stop.

But eventually took his fingers out and said, “you ready?”

 “For what?” Leo replied.

“You know what for,” Cris answered.

“Wait do you mean… wait, I got it,” Leo replied, “I’m so ready Cris.”  
Cris put the condom on his dick and then poured a _very_ generous amount of lube on top of it, and then entered Leo in one swoop and hit his sweet spot instantly.

“Oh FUCK!” Leo cried out.

“Yeah, you like that?” Cris said, starting to move, slowly.

“Oohhhhhh,” Leo moaned.

Cris then started picking up the pace, and then slapped the side of Leo’s ass, “I said, do you like that?”

“Oh God I love it,” Leo said, “I love it!”

“Yeah you do,” Cris said, now going at a rough and brutal speed, making Leo groan and moan and curse.

“Harder, Cris, harder!” Leo cried out, “ah fuck!”

“Yeah baby,” Cris said, going even faster, “oh FUCK!”

“Oh, fuck Cris, it’s barely been any time, but I think… I think I’m gonna cum!”

“Do it,” Cris said, “cum for me, baby.”

Cris proceeded to jerk Leo off, and with a final cry, Leo came.

Then Cris pulled out and took off his condom. He moved in front of Leo and started to jerk off directly in front of his face, and then finally came, giving Leo a facial.

Leo then collapsed and said, “I love you, Cris.”

“I love you too, Leo.”

And neither of them once heard the constant banging that was coming from the other side of the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the constant use of "anus". 
> 
> Also sorry that smut is so shitty. I'm not great at it.
> 
> Also, comments and promo are appreciated.
> 
> Also, re-read the beginning chapter notes really quickly.


End file.
